Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
