When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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