6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
