i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
