PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
