Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
