I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize