Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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