i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
