Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
