I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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