Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
