What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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