That's when you crack a 10am beer
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
