You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
