do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
