No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
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Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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