I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just crazy horny about you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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