i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
