you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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