I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
