remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
