if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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