wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
