So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
