I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
