youre lurking in front of me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize