Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
