we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
