i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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