why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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