Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
