i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
