last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
