I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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