No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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