I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
operation have a gay friend backfired
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
