well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
