we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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