she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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