you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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