My brain says no but my pants say off.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
