k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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