To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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