I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
