So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize