Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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