Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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