I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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