I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
