You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
