You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize