can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
