You just made me feel so damn special
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
