im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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