he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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