I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
