Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up under a house in Key West
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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