I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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