I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
