this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you win again, gameday.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
