nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
