remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
