No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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