More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
