Do you still have your period?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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